most recent thought…
-
Read more: one more
It’s been a long day. I’ve been telling myself we’ll make it to bedtime with everyone’s sanity and hearts intact. I’ve been telling myself we’re doing great and it’s ok to be a little tuckered out. I’ve been telling myself I’m just a little tense with the old nerves, it’s been a long day, you…
other thinkings…
-
known better
Read more: known betterIf I had known better, I would have laid my body down and taken my last breath with his. This past year has taught me nothing more than the lesson, “It always gets harder.” I should have known better. I should have looked around the Emergency Room and seen my husband’s body and I should have laid my head against his chest and matched my…
-
now I wake
Read more: now I wakeI take baths at three in the morning now, when the babies rest and sleep escapes my halfhearted grasp. It used to be after school, when Eric was alive, because he would see how tired I was by the time I got home from school and he would want to see me relax. He loved that kind of thing, taking care of me in that…
-
the pieces of
Read more: the pieces ofI miss you. Your physical presence next to me when I wake up in the middle of the night. The sounds of you puttering around the house while the rest of us sleep. The knowledge that you will lock the doors before you go to sleep. These comforts exist no longer. They were buried with you. I am alone now in this bed when I…
-
but myself more than all
Read more: but myself more than allWhat doesn’t make sense to me is how this loss, the death of my husband, the person who knew me more intimately than all others, has turned me into a stranger to even myself. I don’t recognize that woman in the mirror. That hand holding my child. The voice in the video. I can wrap my head around how it has changed my relationship with…
Do justice. Love kindness. Walk humbly.
scribbling along since 2013
currently…
a scribble of jo 