a scribble of jo

where to?

Tag: loss

  • changed rhythm

    Fourteen months later, I still feel the absence of my person in real time. When the kids wake up ahead of schedule and my daughter is asking me to hold her, but I have to get my other son ready for his school day. When my baby asks to ‘Ea, ea?” pointing toward the kitchen,…

  • known better

    If I had known better, I would have laid my body down and taken my last breath with his. This past year has taught me nothing more than the lesson, “It always gets harder.” I should have known better. I should have looked around the Emergency Room and seen my husband’s body and I should…

  • the pieces of

    I miss you. Your physical presence next to me when I wake up in the middle of the night. The sounds of you puttering around the house while the rest of us sleep. The knowledge that you will lock the doors before you go to sleep. These comforts exist no longer. They were buried with…

  • but myself more than all

    What doesn’t make sense to me is how this loss, the death of my husband, the person who knew me more intimately than all others, has turned me into a stranger to even myself. I don’t recognize that woman in the mirror. That hand holding my child. The voice in the video. I can wrap…

  • carry this

    I am here to see if there is a way words can restore purpose. If there is a way that the electric ricocheting of shrapnel can slow. If there is a way the deadening pressure can lift. My love, my honeybear, has died. My best friend, my person, our homemaker and caretaker, our number one,…